I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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