I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
