I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
