Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
