this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
