I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
