Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
