We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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