I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
