so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
