There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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