I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
