Soap is not a condiment
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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