Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
