So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
