I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
