I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
