So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he fucked my hip out of place.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
