is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
