the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
