No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
