Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
