It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
