my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
