white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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