Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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