So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just want to make out with him forever
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
