guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so let's talk penis.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize