i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
