Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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