if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This is my gift to your gina
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
