He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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