from now on my penis is your penis
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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