what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize