I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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