If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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