Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
