So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
