Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my shit smells like andre
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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