Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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