Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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