But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
