1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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