I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
