you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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