we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
