i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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