i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
