if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
