Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you have to choose: penises or morals?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
