Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
