I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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