My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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