Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
