i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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