I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
