I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
