I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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