I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
