Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
