please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
did you just send me my own nude
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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