i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize