I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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