32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
