I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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