Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
